Morality and ethics: two things that are always subjective, and always objective. You can be aware others have different morals, but that doesn’t change the fact that yours would make the world a better place. If everyone would just stop this nagging with their idiotic ethics, every day would be a happy sunshiny day—but oh no, they just keep on ignoring your example and driving this world into the crapper.
However, I’ve found one source, one core, one miraculous guiding light that can instantly create the most caring and wonderful peopleregardless of race, religion, sex, or political affiliation: Powerball.
Don’t believe me? Just watch someone as they purchase a Powerball ticket. Their entire demeanor changes. They come into the convenience store downtrodden, sick of everything the world has to offer, shaking off everyone around them as a nuisance. Then they buy the ticket—that beautiful little scrap of pulp that holds the secret code to happiness.
Suddenly, theirethical and moral future becomes a blob of clay just waiting to be shaped. The possibilities of beneficence and altruism hit them. They will help anyone and everyone they come into contact with (except the assholes). They want to donate to charities and help the blind. They will clean bumdung off the streets.
Unfortunately, this all hangs on one selfish fact: they’ll clean bumdung alright, just as long as this god-damned ticket is a winner!
And everyone knows that the Powerball gods look kindly upon thosewho act kindly. So, for the next 1-3 days, the person will act to a higher moral standard for a trial basis until the numbersare drawn.
But then, sadly, after the numbers are drawn and they realize their 1 in 600,000,000 chance has passed them by, they tend to sink to an even lower standard than before—often with the God-has-forsaken-my-right-to-unearned-riches-and-therefore-no-longer-cares-about-me justification.
Luckily, this state of moral degradation can be quickly remedied by purchasing anotherticket.
The effects of the ticket—the religion of Powerball—and the ensuing sense of victimization when they lose, vary a little from person to person. It tends to act as an amendment to whatever religious beliefs the person already holds. When the Christian loses, they blame God; the Muslim blames Allah; the Buddhist blames everyone and nothing at the same time; and the agnostic blames Satan, because now they have proof that evil exists in the world.
It’s not so much what Powerball has already done to themoral and ethical stance of the nation that interests me, but what it could do if we all won. We could live in the greatest and kindest country the world has even known. That’s what I want to make clear: all that I really want it to help other people, care for those who can’t care for themselves, save animals, end world hunger, and love all creatures of the Earth! (And if that didn’t sound good enough to make me a winner, the universe can kiss my ass.)